My wife is beautiful. She is more than that, she is (as a friend said today) stunning. It is no wonder that she is constantly being approached, especially now that we have started to explore the idea of playing with others. We have started to set out ground rules for what we will and will not do and while I am very comfortable in going forward, I am being eaten up by something — envy. It is not that I fear she is going to find someone else to replace me (I consider that jealousy), it is the fact that she is being admired and desired while I am not. But let’s make this perfectly clear — I am not moping, I am getting over it. I am moving past this and writing about it is just my way of doing that.
Guys are always at a disadvantage when it comes to games of sex. Guys like to have sex and will have sex fairly indiscriminately. All an average looking woman has to do is make herself available and she is more often than not going to be able to get laid. On the other hand, a very attractive man can and often does make missteps that can kill the mood. One wrong line or move and you are demoted from suave to buffoon. It is no wonder that we hide behind tough exteriors and stoic looks. If you find a persona that works, you are prone to keep using it until you are the creepy old guy trying to play himself off as the cool experienced stranger. We are an entire gender of poseurs and liars, but that is what women want. They want the character, the leader, the bad boy. They want us to have a role to play and for us to play it flawlessly. Do not break your character, do not show that you are anything other than the cold sociopath that you claim to be or you lose standing in their eyes.
I love my wife and frankly cannot wait to share her with the people I think are worthy of her. There are a few couples that we are interested in spending time with and, while I am confident that she will make me proud by being both an amazing lover and by remaining faithful to the end, I cannot help but wish that I was as desirable as she is. But maybe that is part of the game. Maybe the whole point of this is that she is the only one who truly wants me and that is what brings her and only her to my bed every night. The rest is just play. We have decided to only go with couples to avoid the hassles created by bringing singles into our bed. We want fun friends that can fuck and suck and at the end of the night curl up together without turning it into something more. Our family is complete, we do not need to add to it, but we do want to play. It is the painful truth that more people want to play with ZG than myself, and that is something I have to overcome.
Self-pity is not attractive. Neither is self-doubt. Women are not turned on by men that cannot stand up for themselves. Why else would so many men get away with being jackasses while still getting laid? The reason is that self-confidence is a lure, especially in the kink world where the role of Dom is a defined position. But I will tell you now the secret of the Dominant world, we are not. We are not confident, which is why we hold on so tightly. It is why we are possessive. We are shy guys sinking in a quicksand of self-loathing and we use our possessions as a way of keeping ourselves afloat. We claim buoyancy but in truth are just clumsy millstones, and no matter how we try and play it, we are always what drags down the scene. That is something I don’t want to do.
No, I am not going to ruin this for everyone by sulking, but I am also not going to ruin this for myself either. I want to enjoy this exploration and that means coming into myself — the one character I can play that I cannot get wrong. I met a man over the weekend who was so strong and confident that he made my me quake simply by being cordial. I want to be that man.