The Profound Sadness of Indifference

It is not the hatred that I fear. It was never the hatred that ZG feared. It was what was to come next, the indifference. Hatred is emotional, it is connected to the person and to love and to feeling. It is still there in the heart and will remind you and the person you hate that you are thinking about them, even if that is in a negative way. Emotions of all kinds show the connections to each other, they are the mental glue adhering souls together. It is on of the reasons I play with emotional sadism.

Emotional sadism is about invoking emotions within another person. It is the painful extraction of emotions from another to be a little more precise. There is a connection in this. Sharing emotions whether they be classic emotions (love anger, fear, etc) or primordial emotions (hunger, pain, thirst…) is incredibly intimate. Two bottoms can be forced to bond when no common interests exists. A slave can imprint on her Master more intensely with the use of hunger and sleep deprivation. The ways you can use emotions to make these bonds are nearly inexhaustible. But what happens when the bond is strained? What happens when we start to explore the flip side of the coin?

Indifference is when the connection is lost. A lack of care, a feeling that no matter what was to happen to the other person you would not be able to feel. When love is lost and it warps into hate at least there is still feeling. When heartbreak burns and anger is left in the ashes, there is still a sign of life. When you wake and the feelings are all gone, then is the connection dead. It is in this lack of feeling that a new seed of feeling, an emotion not connected to a person or a series of life events is planted. It is a profound sadness, a shapeless sense of loss and solitude that washed over you like an ocean. It does not care if you float or drown, it does not make you get up and fight nor does it make you stay in bed. It has no meaning or goal in its existence. It is the sadness that lives within the dark recesses of the world where everything must end.