I love school girls but never went to parochial school. I fantasize about secretaries but never worked in an office. I can imagine shoving my cock down Wonder Woman’s throat but I did not spend an exorbitant about of time masturbating to comics as a kid. I do not consider myself as having a role playing fetish but there is something magical about entering a mindset that is structured by some preconceived social stereotype. Perhaps it is how the roles are defined or because they have built-in power dynamics. Whatever the reason I have seen both good and bad role play and was wondering what made one person better than another.
Naughty Nurses and Plaid Skirts
For most a uniform of some sort is necessary for good role play. The visual cue is not unique to kink. Many religions have special robes or garments that are for ceremonies only. Changing out of one’s street clothes into special vestments is a ritual that works not unlike hypnotic suggestion. The clothes you wear, the clothes that your partner wears can help to manifest the image in your head. Another aspect is that most uniforms have a preexisting power dynamic. You expect to be taken care of by the nurse, the school girl is a “look-but-don’t-touch” tease. When you start to understand what the dynamic is or why the uniform exists in the first place you are starting to see the reason behind the stereotypes. The trick is you have to own the costume. The silly nature of a sexy schoolgirl will kill a scene if she cannot commit to the costume. A nurse is supposed to be simple, clean and caring so taking the uniform and teasing around the edges of it with sex (tight skirt, open top, white stockings) can throw that knowledge into juxtaposition. Enjoy blurring the line between what is expected of the role and what you feel is implied and not said.
Saying “Daddy” but not meaning it
The largest issue I have ever seen with role playing is the language. Most people have an image in his or her head about what their fantasy should be wearing but rarely are they fleshed out enough to have a dialogue more than the occasional word or saying here and there. What you say plays a much larger role in actual play than it does in fantasy and so striking the right tone is as important as choosing the right skirt. The words cannot just come out of the mouth, they have to come from deeper. If you do not believe what you are saying to be true no one will and the whole act will come across as just that, an act. It is what trips up most role players. The characters have to be real in the hearts of the players or else they do not sway us. The problem is that many of the roles that we want to play are dark and the idea of taking on the appearance is appealing, getting into the thoughts is afar more daunting. When you are playing teacher/student, the teacher has to think like a teacher that is using his power to manipulate a young girl into doing things she does not want to do. If she does then she has to take on the role of a girl who uses her age to get what she wants. A daddy has to be thinking that he is using his little girl, a nurse has to feel that she can play with her patient. These are the darker aspects of role playing that few talk about.
Off-the-shelf Power Exchange
Role play is attractive because it presupposes the power exchange many of us are looking for in kink without necessarily implying the physical brutality. Feeling like you have control over another person (or vice versa) is extremely sexy and what many people are looking for when they first come into kink. The challenge is that BDSM is often seen as floggers, canes, collars and chains and while all these can be fun, if what you are looking for is to simply control someone in a sexual way, learning to wield a flogger may feel like a waste of time. The roles of boss/secretary, nurse/patient, teacher/pupil can make one person feel he or she is at the mercy of the other without a single violent act. If you want to add pain there are many ways to bring it about while maintaining the characters. Spanking, needles, examinations all give you a range of options when it comes to adding pain and control. This can be great for newcomers who do not know if power dynamic play is for them. Pre-established roles are guidelines for power play. Take on the role, use the power, lose the power, explore what it means to be the character and see if you like it. If you begin to question what to do next, simply examine the part you are playing a little more and see what comes up.
Role playing is a commonly referenced kink but it is rare to see it done well. This is a shame too because there are many ways that it can be incorporated into everyday play to add depth and variety to your sex. I love playing the role of teacher or doctor. I love to make my girl feel I am molesting her for her own good. If you relax and feel out the part not for what you think it should look like but for what you think it should be, you can find new and powerful ways to explore kink.