A(n) (In)complete Guide to Bottoming to Me


Don’t be shy and wait for me (or anyone for that matter) to make the first move. We are all human beings on equal footing to start off with and it should not be expected that the dom/top/bigkahuna is going to make the first move. Be confident without being arrogant. I like to know a partner knows that she is worth playing with but get turned off by a message which imply I have been graced with your attention. Once the initial greetings are out of the way be willing to meet in person.

Meet Me for Drinks

I am not looking for an online only partner. If I wanted to have hot talk that ended with me masturbating then I would stop taking my meds and get a membership to kink.com. I want to meet you in person and see if there is a real human connection. Who we are online is not the same as who we are in person, no matter how much we may try and be honest. Wear something sexy. Something that shows me you at your vanilla best. There are always exceptions to the rule but generally I feel the best first date is a casual meeting in a public forum where we can have alone time. This should be seen as an interview of sorts so put your best foot forward. Dress well, smile, talk, flirt as if you are trying to impress me. If you do, I will tell you so.

Be Able to Flirt Online

Email, IM, text are all acceptable. This is the 21st century people, get with the program. While the specifics of how and when we flirt will be dependent on what kind of dynamic be ready to send dirty pics and or follow commands. I want to know that we are not chatting up a storm littered with sexual overtones but with no real follow through. Don’t let your fingers type checks your cunt can’t cash. Unsolicited vulgarity at this point is always welcome. These perversions can include but should not be limited to:

  • Public displays of perversion including public sex, anonymous sex, nudity that could end in fines or disbarment (remember: unsolicited I am not asking you to do these things but would love to see the results if you did.)
  • Pics of hot girls in public accompanied by text of what you want to do to them
  • Pics found on the internet that are so disturbing you have to ask yourself, “Is that even really porn?”
  • Voicemail messages of you cumming
  • Creative and humiliating insertions


I like to experiment; I like to explore. There are really very few things that I am not willing to at least entertain the idea of but for the sake of this post let’s just stick to the knowns.

  • Mind fucks: Fear, sensory deprivation, confusion, disorientation and the accompanying power exchange that comes with this kind of play.
  • Humiliation and Degradation: I like both physical and mental H&D in all the varied forms it comes; from calling a play partner a slut and dirty cum whore, to pissing on her head while she licks the toilet, I like to see how low you can go. It is one part power exchange, one part experiment in human endurance. The point is to see how much you can take and still stand up at the end. I want confident partners who want to push themselves.
  • Age Play: I love to play with the dynamic that is created when I am older and my partner is younger. Teacher/student, Daddy/daughter, Stranger with candy, anything that involves at least some molestation and coercion will work.
  • Carte Blanche Sadism: Look at it like an extreme sport. How far can you push yourself physically? How long can you be tortured, beaten, raped, starved and drown before you break, before you collapse or safeword? There is something truly amazing about endurance not only for the person enduring but also for me. It is a game of seeing how close to the edge can I bring someone and for how long can I keep them there.
  • Forced Orgasms and Orgasm Control: Yeah, what is there not to like about this most sexual of power exchanges?


  • One Trick Ponies: If you have a “thing” that you are into (spanking, rope, leather) and it is all you are into then I am not interested. It may be great, it may be the world and a box of doughnuts to you but I prefer variety.
  • Clinginess: I love to play, I love people and I need to be friends with my play partners but I am not looking for a “relationship”. I am far too lucky already to have one of the most amazing, beautiful and perverted women I know in my life. I want to be friends, I want to chat, I want to play but I do not want you freaking out if I am not available whenever you are.
  • Play sans Sexytime: It is not a deal breaker but as a friend once said, “Play without the sexual tension is just a game like chess and chess [normally] doesn’t make me wet.”


I like to clean up a play partner after taking her apart. I like to see her come out of the shower with her hair clean and the smeared and destroyed make-up washed away. It does not always work out like that. There are scenes when the constraints of space or time do not allow me a chance to see her put back together and smiling before we have to part ways. In these cases I want to hear from you. Just a note that you got home ok, that you had a good (or bad) time. If you have any specific needs or wants from aftercare tell me up front. After a scene where you have given me everything, I deeply enjoy being able to give something unique and special back


After the fact, a day or two later, write down your recollection of the scene. Tell me what you remember, what you felt, what you liked and did not like and what you want to try again. Do not write it for fetlife. Write it for me. Tell me the things that you would only share with the person that was there. If the moment was something you want to put on FL, great! But that is a different write-up.


In Closing

I want that look that is at once utter shame and humiliation and pure sexual desire. I want to feel I have given you something — a moment, a feeling, an experience — that is, at once, wanted and not wanted. In that moment when you look up at me desperate and pleading for whatever it is that I want to give, I see why I do this. The beauty and the challenge is that this means different things each and every time with each and every person. What one person easily and comfortable gives of themselves, another may never part with. You may know it is disgusting, may know you should not love it but it if I can’t see that embarrassment, if I can’t see the shame then it does not matter to me. It is proof of the exchange. There in that moment is the gift that I am looking for. If you want to bottom to me be prepared to not just tell me, but to show me that you


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One comment on “A(n) (In)complete Guide to Bottoming to Me

  1. […] A(n) (In)complete Guide to Bottoming to Me […]

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