Which side of the wall are you on?

I am not new to cuckqueaning. It was something that ZG and I played with when we first started to introduce others into our sex lives. She loved to watch me fuck others. Something about it was great for her and before I explore this more deeply I want to take a moment to lay out some definitions.

To cuckold someone is to engaged in sexual acts in front of your partner. A man whose wife or partner fucks others in front of him is a Cuckold, a woman is a Cuckquean. It is not an uncommon kink for people to have and one that many people happily play with. Some get off on feeling cucked, others from doing the cucking. Some want to be forced to watch while others want to only know that it is happening somewhere out of sight. It is not unrelated to cheating and “the other woman” stories that give nonmonogamy a bad name but there are ways that it can be explored ethically.

ZG was not a jealous person. She never felt pangs when I would fuck or play with others. In fact she actually enjoyed it quite a bit. This made it easier for us to play with cuckqueaning because it meant that no matter what was done, no matter what was said, she would not feel destroyed in the end and the emotional clean up was easy. I fucked a woman in front of her while ZG was forced to please her husband. I made her piss herself and stand in her own filth while I fucked my girlfriend and talked about how we were going to make ZG an animal. I made her eat my cum off the ass of another woman. The list really goes on and on and while the images are hot and yes, the times were great, there was something missing. I could not put my finger on what it was until recently.

I was never into the cuckqueaning of ZG. I loved fucking other women, I loved making her watch, I loved degrading her for loving to watch but there was something that seemed, I don ‘t know, flat about the whole event. Nothing about what we were doing was special because we were married. It would have been just as much of a turn on if the other person watching was another play partner. It did not have the kink to it that I wanted. I did not know that but now I do. The kink I wanted was the jealousy. I wanted the head game that can go along with cuckqueaning.

I play with people for very specific reasons. I like to feel the desire of a new partner. It is a very powerful feeling when you first open that present and everything that you do is new and special. It is emotionally fulfilling for me to see the new responses, the new looks, the new touches, the orgasms. I am an explorer searching the Amazon for new and rare orchids. I am a gardener planting mixed seeds to see what flowers come up. It is a great feeling to see this new relationship, this new body as it opens up but it is not the only thing in the world. I also love the feeling of the known and existing relationship.

A loving and long term relationship brings me comfort and security. I can explore the depths of who I am, who she is. It is the long game. We are in this for the long haul and this gives me a place to explore so much more over a much longer period of time. A long term relationship is filled with a firmer and more complete understanding. You know that the little hick-ups that would cast a new relationship into the dirt are not going to affect it. Arguments are going to be had but they are not going to be the end of the world. This is the foundation which all further growth happens.

But a relationship is like a field, it needs to be tilled to be healthy. The ground can become packed and hard. The water cannot penetrate it, seeds lie in the top, unable to sprout. The rich soil of the long term relationship needs to be turned over ever now and again. She has to be shaken and shown that what she has in me is worth keeping, I have to see her reach out for me in a way that says she cares. There are different ways to do this, for us cuckqueaning is one. She sees me flirt with other women. She sees the way my attention zeroes in and the intensity fades the rest of the world to nothingness. She can see me as I am to others and she can crave that. She feels left out, it drives her emotional masochism and makes her feel that she is not worthy, not earning the look I am giving another. For me the seduction of the person is clarifying. I am reminded that I have ability to burn the soul of another. I can see into someone and feel them squirming under my attention. When I turn back to Dedita I see her in that dark place she has created for her and I know I am her master. She has not left me when my focus was n0t on her, she did not run away or find another man. She buried her head in the sadness and waited for me to return. The sorrow is intoxicating to my sadism and I relish it.

I do bring her out of the darkness eventually. I have to make her know that in the end she is mine and will always be mine. She has to see that I care for her in spite of what other women may have or offer. In the end she is my slave and will be cared for as property should. I will make sure she is well fed and loved and used to make my (and subsequently her) life better.