Hiding in Plain Sight

I intentionally did not lie, I was going to be sick, but the chasm between what I meant and what would be understood was deliberate. Like a Guild Navigator, I was folding space and time so my Truth would coincide with the bill-paying reality I had found myself in.

Last weekend I got ZG pierced. It is a beautiful clit piercing that I have been looking to get for sometime and since we were celebrating our anniversary it seemed like the perfect opportunity. The piercer was great and all was going well until he told us that we would have to abstain for six weeks. That worked for almost five days. On the fifth day ZG, while home from work for some much-deserved downtime, found a great story by a Dom in the area. She quickly poisoned my brain with a link to it and to several pictures he had on his FL profile.

The sick bastard’s twisted images and stories took my already threadbare brain and tore it in half. I was at work staring at the computer literally shaking and pale with a very twisted hunger. When I turned to my office mate and told her that I was going to be sick, I meant it.

The next day when I went back into work I was asked if I felt better and with the five-day sex desert behind me, yes, I did feel better. I told them so. I said that I jumped in the shower the moment I got home, and then did not get out of bed until 2 in the afternoon, which again was true if false by omission. This second tangential association with my Truth and reality has started me thinking about the worlds that we all live in.

We all have different personalities that we use for different situations and the philosophical debate on whether we are people who wear masks or are the masks themselves is not something I want to delve into here. I am too much a subjectivist to try to tell you whether one idea is right or wrong. What I am interested in, and perhaps this is just a need to have something in common with other people, is how many of us are hiding some kink-monster inside themselves.

ZG and I have come out to several of our “vanilla” friends and found that they are not nearly as vanilla as one might expect. Several are multi-amorous, while others are very much into random anonymous hook-ups. While they might not be exhibitionists, sadists or in committed D/s relationships, they are not truly vanilla. It seems that if the harsh light of truth is shined upon sanctioned society, you find that most are more twisted than they let on.

I am not trying to say that people in the kinkiverse are more real than people who are not. I do not have issues with people having simple sexual tastes, but I do have issues with people feeling embarrassed by who they are. The actions of consenting adults, no matter how twisted, corrupt or utterly debasing they may be should not be the cowls of shame that we hide our heads in (unless hiding your head in a cowl of shame is your kink).

Friday has been turned into a #FuckToyFriday by the dark mind of @saynine and the idea has taken off, so yesterday my timeline was lit-up by the most sinister porn available in 140 character increments. While these are not the images that most turn me on (though some of them were very hot), I loved seeing them because it meant that there were others exploring the depths of their souls, laying them bare for the world to see. That kind of raw sexuallity is erotic in itself and even though by the end of the day I had felt like my heart had been whipped for eight hours straight, I felt cleansed in pain.

I do not expect everyone to appreciate Fuck Toy Friday. This is not the path for everyone but there is a path for everyone that takes them where they do not think they wanted to go. There is a darker, more tabboo path laying in the perifery for eveyone and if you are able to turn your head ever so slightly you will realize how much larger and fuller your life really can be. 

Life is not all HEAs, and the idea of longing for that — while being a perfectly natural desire — does not give you a complete view of the world. It is like looking at the world in black and white when all along you have the option to see it in color.