Neglected Crossroads

There is a crossroads, a nexus, a hub that few people know about. It is quiet little place away from the crowds and the popular attractions of kink. All around it are thriving communities and yet it is not only not used, it is often flat out avoided. Edge players and role players are not often thought of as having much in common but there are so many ways that these two groups can overlap. Role players can find more depth and realism in their games if they understood the dark nature of their characters. Edge players could incorporate method acting to engage in some the most horrible feelings and worlds we can imagine.

I have found that most role players disappoint me. They are stuck in their seats not thinking about the role they are in as a real person but as a two dimensional fantasy. This is a common feeling and I understand where it comes from. Most of us want to role play because it was how we got into sex in the first place. I remember seeing girls in my middle school in jean skirts and big hair. I remember the goth girls that hid their sexuality in short cropped hair and dark lipstick. I remember masturbating to fantasies of them sucking my cock, leaving burgundy rings as they went. I can still feel the new sex excitement when I think of the smell of denim soaked in her juices as we played around in the back of the car. These triggers are what we are trying to recreate in role-playing. We are looking to make the past real again or to manifest dreams. In either case the perfection of the moment makes it difficult to leave the third person head space. To truly enjoy the moment you have to become the character. When the fantasy is too over developed in your head it becomes difficult to get past. Dark fantasies have helped me by giving me a character that is strong enough in himself that I can fall into the role almost completely. These dark roles do not need back story. They do not need to have a motivation explained for you. They are understandable. They are flatter, more purely emotional people. Anger, greed, lust, are ll not only feelings but personas that can be manifest in dark edge play games. Do not over think them, let them be simple and horrible. What you will find is that a feeling role can be liberating and it helps to lay the groundwork for more complex characters later. It is not unlike wearing a path through the woods.

In many of the same ways that edge play helps a role player get in touch with the depth of his role, role play let’s an edge player get in touch with his more horrible side. As a sadist I struggle with my desire to hurt people. It is not just that I want to see them in pain but that I often want to see them suffer. If I am playing hard and exploring the blackest parts of my soul I used to need more aftercare than my bottom. I wanted to know that I was still a good man. I wanted to feel as if what I had done was ok. I was not comfortable in my sadism. I have heard similar stories from masochists as well. The guilt and shame one feels for desiring something which is not only shunned by society at larger but disavowed by many in our own community is often too much to handle. We hide this side away until it must come out and when it must come out, it is usually an explosion. If we can find ways to let it out, we are healthier and happier. If we can limit this shame and guilt the more we are comfortable we are at letting it out. Role play allows you to put the feelings on the character. The anger is not yours, the rage is someone else. You can explore it a little at a time. I find it interesting that the habits we are trying to break away from in role-playing (dissociation) is what we are using as a buffer in edge play. Slowly you become more and more comfortable with the feelings and let them become part of who you are.

Role playing can make things more real or less real depending on the angle from which you enter it. Emotional edge play can make a scene more intense if you are willing to commit to the feelings it brings. When these two kinks cross it is an amazing place to be standing. The realism of the feelings, the fear and terror of watching yourself become this monster, the ability to lose yourself in the role all work to create far more intense and satisfying scenes. We have to learn to see that many of the kinks we see can and do cross each other if we look hard enough. It is the complexity of what we do that makes this an endless game.

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Tapping your inner…

I love school girls but never went to parochial school. I fantasize about secretaries but never worked in an office. I can imagine shoving my cock down Wonder Woman’s throat but I did not spend an exorbitant about of time masturbating to comics as a kid. I do not consider myself as having a role playing fetish but there is something magical about entering a mindset that is structured by some preconceived social stereotype. Perhaps it is how the roles are defined or because they have built-in power dynamics. Whatever the reason I have seen both good and bad role play and was wondering what made one person better than another.

Naughty Nurses and Plaid Skirts

For most a uniform of some sort is necessary for good role play. The visual cue is not unique to kink. Many religions have special robes or garments that are for ceremonies only. Changing out of one’s street clothes into special vestments is a ritual that works not unlike hypnotic suggestion. The clothes you wear, the clothes that your partner wears can help to manifest the image in your head. Another aspect is that most uniforms have a preexisting power dynamic. You expect to be taken care of by the nurse, the school girl is a “look-but-don’t-touch” tease. When you start to understand what the dynamic is or why the uniform exists in the first place you are starting to see the reason behind the stereotypes. The trick is you have to own the costume. The silly nature of a sexy schoolgirl will kill a scene if she cannot commit to the costume. A nurse is supposed to be simple, clean and caring so taking the uniform and teasing around the edges of it with sex (tight skirt, open top, white stockings) can throw that knowledge into juxtaposition. Enjoy blurring the line between what is expected of the role and what you feel is implied and not said.

Saying “Daddy” but not meaning it

The largest issue I have ever seen with role playing is the language. Most people have an image in his or her head about what their fantasy should be wearing but rarely are they fleshed out enough to have a dialogue more than the occasional word or saying here and there. What you say plays a much larger role in actual play than it does in fantasy and so striking the right tone is as important as choosing the right skirt. The words cannot just come out of the mouth, they have to come from deeper. If you do not believe what you are saying to be true no one will and the whole act will come across as just that, an act. It is what trips up most role players. The characters have to be real in the hearts of the players or else they do not sway us. The problem is that many of the roles that we want to play are dark and the idea of taking on the appearance is appealing, getting into the thoughts is afar more daunting. When you are playing teacher/student, the teacher has to think like a teacher that is using his power to manipulate a young girl into doing things she does not want to do. If she does then she has to take on the role of a girl who uses her age to get what she wants. A daddy has to be thinking that he is using his little girl, a nurse has to feel that she can play with her patient. These are the darker aspects of role playing that few talk about.

Off-the-shelf Power Exchange

Role play is attractive because it presupposes the power exchange many of us are looking for in kink without necessarily implying the physical brutality. Feeling like you have control over another person (or vice versa) is extremely sexy and what many people are looking for when they first come into kink. The challenge is that BDSM is often seen as floggers, canes, collars and chains and while all these can be fun, if what you are looking for is to simply control someone in a sexual way, learning to wield a flogger may feel like a waste of time. The roles of boss/secretary, nurse/patient, teacher/pupil can make one person feel he or she is at the mercy of the other without a single violent act. If you want to add pain there are many ways to bring it about while maintaining the characters. Spanking, needles, examinations all give you a range of options when it comes to adding pain and control. This can be great for newcomers who do not know if power dynamic play is for them. Pre-established  roles are guidelines for power play. Take on the role, use the power, lose the power, explore what it means to be the character and see if you like it. If you begin to question what to do next, simply examine the part you are playing a little more and see what comes up.

Role playing is a commonly referenced kink but it is rare to see it done well. This is a shame too because there are many ways that it can be incorporated into everyday play to add depth and variety to your sex. I love playing the role of teacher or doctor. I love to make my girl feel I am molesting her for her own good. If you relax and feel out the part not for what you think it should look like but for what you think it should be, you can find new and powerful ways to explore kink.