Notorious

notorious  (nəʊˈtɔːrɪəs)
— adj
1. well-known for some bad or unfavourable quality, deed, etc;infamous
2. rare  generally known or widely acknowledged
[C16: from Medieval Latin notōrius  well-known, from nōtus known, from noscere  to know]

“You are a bit notorious.” 

I have to say that I was a little proud to hear that when she said it. I never thought of myself as villainous, nefarious, diabolical… I am clever. I am quick witted. I am creative and — at times — sadistic but it is never with malintent. I like to think of myself as generally a good guy and while it was a bit of a shock to hear that I had an infamous reputation, the truth was, I kind of liked it.

The real reason I have gotten this reputation has nothing to do with how I play. It has to do with how I live my life. I have been exploring the world of poly for a few years now and had more than a couple of relationships. Some of them have been nothing more than casual play, some have been more and most are in between. It is hard to nail down the pace and direction of a relationship when the sexual aspect of it is sudden and often embroiled in emotional and psychological play. What one person sees as an hour on the therapist’s couch, another sees as the first meeting of soul mates.

“You know me…”

I have learned through trial and error that what I am saying may have more effect than I first anticipate. Games that can be as simple as reading your mind can be interpreted as reading your soul. We are humans. We have hopes and fears and realities to us that can only fall into a set number of permutations. We are all readable. We are all archetypes. I like to point this out. I like to cold read people and see the look of horror and excitement when I tell them things they did not know I knew. It may sound hokey but there was a time when I was thinking about being a tarot card psychic but felt that what I would say I was doing and what I would actually be doing were too different. I can read people not because I have a gift but because I understand how we become the people we are and what gods and demigods we mirror.

This ability is useful and erotic if you are into sexual emotional play. I am. I love to see the soul spin and collapse and faint and hold its breath as it waits for yet another truth to be expounded by a seemingly unknown stranger. I like to show you that almost anyone with a little training and a little attention to detail and a general understanding of The Golden Bough can get into your head and tell you what keeps you up at night and what dark horrible image you masturbate to the most.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

I have a complex home life. Most everyone who reads this already knows that because I try not to hide here. I am in the middle of major changes; separating from my wife of eleven years, exploring a 24/7 M/s relationship, raising two boys, keeping a house together. It is a full plate and yet I seek play partners to help release the pressure. I want to play with the intensity. I want to hurt them, I want to make them cry, I want to see them bend over backwards as they try and please me. I want to fuck with their minds and the souls as well as their bodies. This does not mean I want another full-time relationship. I have lived with two women in my bed and as awesome as it sounds, the strain can quickly become too much. I want my play partners to be friends, close friends, friends with benefits but when the dust settles and the sun is rising, I want them to have a bed they call their own. They are souls that are travelling through this world looking for more. We all are. Sometimes the more is in the form of love and sometimes it is in the form of friends. The thing to do is to not assume. Be prepared to see the world as it comes and don’t be surprised when it is not as you expect.

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