Dedita is fast asleep in the bed where I left her to nap. She has always had insomnia, but has been sleeping better since she moved into my home. She sleeps the best when she is somewhere between safe and terrified. Too much of one or the other and she will fall of the fence into a field of insomnia. If I am too nice, her dark passenger creeps out looking to be hurt. She snaps and growls and fights in ways that she does not even recognize until well after the fact. If she is brutalized too much, there is no moment of solace and she lies awake waiting for the next attack.
The long game is nothing if it is not about patience. The effects of training are often not felt for weeks if not months after the fact. As I sit here and write, I know that I have started to make a new creature out of Dedita. One that is part her and part who I want her to be. This is the dance of Mastery. You are constantly training, constantly tweaking, changing the body and soul you have been given. Some of the changes are practical, some are aesthetic. Some of the changes are arbitrary, but this does not make them any less important, and in fact, in many ways they are more important.
For me, training my slave is not about making a perfect object. I am a creature of chaos and love the imperfections that make us human. If Dedita did everything right the first time what would be left for me to do as the Owner? I need to feel that my guiding hand is vital to her existence and so does she. We both need to feel that there is something more for her to learn and for me to teach. It is about trying. She needs to feel that she is trying to do better. When the Master or the slave or both feel that there is nothing more to learn, the long painful decline begins.
Lessons can be real and permanent but they can be transitory as well. I want Dedita to lay out my clothes in the morning. I like the clothes she chooses. I like to not have to worry about what shirt goes with what pants and yet still look like I did not get dressed in the dark. This is a permanent rule. This must be done everyday without fail. It is a lesson I am teaching her because it has a real world value. When she learns to do this consistently my life will be easier and her life will have less torment.
Aesthetic lessons are all about style and grace. My girl is an extension of me. People see my hand in her actions and I want to make sure she represents me to the rest of the world in a way I want to be represented. By changing her clothes, by making her become more social and activate that vulnerable but approachable piece of herself. Each Master accesses different facets of his slaves. I like to be social. I like to see people. I like to play games and joke and drink. Dedita has social grace, she has shown it in many ways but as we grow as an interactive couple I like to see her skills put to work for me.
For some this is where the training ends. Once your slave has learned to do what you want without a second thought from her or a second word from you, the lessons are over and the smooth sailing begins. I see this as only the beginning. When the hard lessons, the real lessons, the lessons that have to be taught, have to be learned are finally ingrained, then the fun begins.
It is the stable and founded life of a 24/7 Master/slave that you can begin to twisted and play with the subtle nuances. A look, or a word can be sculpted into the perfect tool or weapon. Rooms can be made to feel safe, or haunted. You have the rest of your lives to study the detailed expressions held within a sigh. Sex can be explored with entire weeks used to explore the correlation between pleasure and pain. You can build a trigger to incite orgasm at the sound of a bell or inspire near catatonic fear with a touch. You can spend the better part of a month working her into a near constant state of arousal without ever letting her come only to spend the next three-month making her collect orgasms in a journal like a philatelist collects stamps. You have the time to play the long game that has not point other that to see what you can make another person do or believe. Not only do you have the time to play out long tortures, you also have time to change the effects back if you find you do not like them. You can spend a month making her fear your touch. You can make her feel the deep-seated terror of a long-term captive and so every night when you crawl into bed next to her you can feel the tension ripple through her body as you take what is yours. Eventually though you will want you girl back. Eventually you will want to have her crawl up onto your chest and fall asleep with the long peaceful breaths of a pet who feels safe. Like a complicated rope scene, some of the best emotional sadistic scenes need as much (if not more) time to untie as they do to tie.
The long game is not just long in the making but long in the unmaking too. The casual player does not understand why some of us choose to live the power exchange 24/7. For them the games are short and to play with feelings or toys that might leave longer lasting marks seems careless. For me these longer term games, these longer term effects are not only more satisfying, the show to both me and Dedita that what we have is going to be around for the long haul.